A Visitor’s Guide to Getting Around Scotland

‘Come With Us on a Bus to Luss’
read the advert
A promising start to a tour of Scotland
For other sights, you’ll need to

Catch a train to Dunblane
or a plane to Culzean

Ascend via cable car to Braemar

Sail on a schooner to Troon–or
fly a balloon and land in Dunoon

Book an overnight berth to the city of Perth

Ride the metro ‘neath the toun of Glasgow
Be pulled by a rope tow through the valley of Glen Coe
Paddle a pedalo to the burgh of Thurso

Haul your muck on a truck to Greenock
Hitch a ride with a lorry on the way to Tobermory
Drive your own ute o’er the Isle of Bute

Take the subway through the land of Galloway
Balance a Segway on your tour of Dounreay (radiation suits included)

Ride a golf cart through the parish of Cathcart

Waterski ‘round the isle of Tiree
Paddle a kayak to the village of Back

Soar on a glider, drop in on a Morningsider

You’ll need two yachts for sailing to Shotts
but only one scull to crew to Mull

Optional add-ons at the end of your tour:
Sail on the ferry to the port of Derry
or
Fly on a kite to the Isle of Wight

And remember your brolly and wellies!

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A work in progress: I still have about 40 modes of transport lacking a rhyming Scottish location. Suggestions for new rhymes are welcome!

Beebee blanket

For half a century they’ve provided comfort to family
Mine, the first of how many blankets? Only God knows
Sitting on your bed, knitting squares (117)
Family time in the living room, arranging squares to be assembled
You’ve been gone many years, yet memories remain in your handiwork

winning entry to Essence of a Memory competition, Scotland, October 2016

Glasgow, 9 November 2016

East End Story (Glesga edition): Overture

A lively knees-up, with a lot of mishmash
Brash, trash, clash, gnash, splash, and a whole lotta flash!

Perhaps a bit sottish? It was very Scottish
Did anyone vet it? Non-Scots wouldn’t get it

Starting off with a trip by a warbling Barrow man
in tacky heather suit, atop tartan tourist van

Clichés galore, and whisky, what’s more
Tartans, bagpipes and golf—did someone cry ‘Fore!’?

Teacakes in foil, plus crooning by Boyle
Glasgow kiss redefined, prejudice left behind

Forth Bridge supported by the national drink
Not amber, but orange (just have a think)

Nessie and Dolly, those heavenly creatures
Just two of the wonders our bonnie land features

Duke of Wellington sporting his cone
Finally! Council this does condone

Athletes’ parade, with mascots in tweed
With each delegation did a wee dug precede
And last, but not least, the Scots in their tartan
Despite the carfuffle, they did look quite smart in
their kilts and their shawls (perhaps a bit loud?)
Yet what’s not to like, they do us all proud!

McGregor and comrades, the ones who persuade
to put children first, in sync we can aid
by texting a fiver, UNICEF can provide
vital help for all bairns Commonwealth wide

Big Yin offers tribute to the great Mandela
Freedom of the City did we give to that fella
Followed by South African singing with flair
Scots’ call for a society multiracial and fair

Prince Imran confused, the Queen not amused?
Baton freed by Hoy, to Her Majesty’s joy

Fireworks to follow, all around the Clyde
With nary a blowdown, preserving Glasgow’s pride

Reviews that came after included the following
Yet we’ve not the time for self-pity wallowing
‘kitsch’, ‘awful’, ‘energetic’, ‘colourful’ and ‘brilliant’
Just goes to show that the Scots are resilient

To borrow some lines from Karen‘s review
I couldn’t fit in all that I wanted to
Just ran out of time (and space), so skipped out a few
The people of Scotland–indeed, just like you!

Ab Fab event, eleven days to excite
Welcome to Glasgow, and have a good night!

from Glasgow via Aalborg, den 23. juli 2014