Alef Bet Gimel Hey

written for Pickup Purimspiel 2, “Bro(e)n III ¾: (The) Never-ending Saga”
Öresunds Limmud, Malmö, Sweden, 6 March 2016

(to the tune of ‘Diggi-Loo Diggi-Ley’, Eurovision Sverige 1984)

Morten Kaj: hero, ascending career, oh
Suddenly I’m pushed aside, forgotten man
(You need a new career plan)

One day in the city (you’re sitting there thinking)
Lots of self-pity (you saw something blinking)
It gave me a groovy idea
Oh, what a fab solution

Alef bet gimel hey, I will make those Jews pay
In the most spectacular style
I’ll be dancing in the streets
flaunting my purposes vile

Alef bet gimel hey, they’ll be saying “oy vey”
and the chief I will surely beguile
coercing wicked deeds
with my dastardly smile

I have a vision for the excision
of that pestiferous tribe known as the Jews
(We feel his wickedness ooze)

What of the hitches (you’ll conquer them neatly)
And rumors this kitsch is? (refuting completely)
Oh, I can have all I fancy
In my fantastical world

Alef bet gimel hey, I will make those Jews pay
in the most spectacular style
I’ll be dancing in the streets
flaunting my purposes vile

Alef bet gimel hey, they’ll be saying “oy vey”
and the chief I will surely beguile
coercing wicked deeds
with my dastardly smile

Right now it’s just a dream, but need to put in motion
Fulfill my goals, using all of my devotion
Me, the most despicable
Oh…oh…
Oh…oh…

Alef bet gimel hey, they’ll be saying “oy vey”
and the chief I will surely beguile
coercing wicked deeds
with my dastardly smile

I’ll be dancing in the streets
flaunting my purposes vile

Oy, Oh Boy

written for Pickup Purimspiel 2, “Bro(e)n III ¾: (The) Never-ending Saga”
Öresunds Limmud, Malmö, Sweden, 6 March 2016

(to the tune of ‘Heroes’, Eurovision Sverige 2015)

Eco-terrorists are on the loose
We can’t undo what might be done
if they’re successful

One dispatched nefarious Gertrud
an ending shocking everyone
(don’t be forgetful)

I’ve got to find these cads
and stop their plot, so we will have tomorrow, son
and can be restful

They will poison our dish most preferred
Most fiendish caper ever heard:

Green chicken soup, oh what a crime
Not a dish that we would want at our mealtime

Green chicken soup, oh what a crime
O-o-o-o-oy, O-o-o bo-o-oy
Not a dish that we would want at our mealtime
They’ll not destro-o-oy, O-o-o-o-oy

Green chicken soup, oh what a crime
O-o-o-o-oy, Oh, what a plo-o-oy
Not a dish that we would want at our mealtime
We can’t en-jo-o-oy, O-o-o-o-oy

They’ll start with soup and escalate
Green bagels, lox, gefilte fish
Abominations

Green cholent (what would Sonja say?)
and emerald kreplach, kugel, knish
We don’t want mutations

Saint Paddy’s is still ten days off
No need to put your tukhes oyfn tish
Please, no fixations

They will poison our dish most preferred
Most fiendish caper ever heard
Now sing together:

Green chicken soup, oh what a crime
O-o-o-o-oy, this does ano-o-oy
Not a dish that we would want at our mealtime
O-o-o-o-oy, don’t quash our jo-o-oy

Green chicken soup
Yeech!

Saga Esther’s Song

written for Pickup Purimspiel 2, “Bro(e)n III ¾: (The) Never-ending Saga”
Öresunds Limmud, Malmö, Sweden, 6 March 2016

(to the tune of ‘Dansevise’, Eurovision Danmark 1963)

A gunshot through a window
A bloody shirt that’s been binned
Web of crime that is spinning is just the beginning
of this story’s whirlwind

A hanging from a treetop
A body washed up on the sand
A strangling at Kastrup, a stabbing in Taastrup
Crime here has gotten out of hand

You will need a new mate
Someone who’ll get the job done
I will admit that I can frustrate
but can outshoot anyone

And us two? What of us two?
Am I your new cup of tea?
I confess that I’m tactless, yet possess an exactness
So I’ll make a fabulous queen bee

I’m the one, I’m the one
You can bet that we’ll have lots of fun
I’m the one, I’m the one
I’m the one to be your liaison

Give it a chance
What’s there to lose?
Give it a chance
Let us dance, let us shmooze

And us two? What of us two?
Am I your new cup of tea?
I confess that I’m tactless, yet possess an exactness
So I’ll make a fabulous queen bee

I’m the one, I’m the one
Your liaison

Purimspiel

written for Pickup Purimspiel, “Bro(e)n II ½: The Saga Continues”
Öresunds Limmud, Malmö, Sweden, 9 March 2014

(to the tune of ‘Waterloo’, Eurovision Sverige 1974)

My, my, in Shushan town did Haman at last surrender
But nej, in Öresund our destiny’s not quite a similar fate
Megillah that sits on the shelf
Not always repeating itself

(Chorus)
Purimspiel: truthhood and lies are together now
Purimspiel: wackiness, parody, we allow
Purimspiel: hamentasch, groggers, folk bad and good
Purimspiel: so many people misunderstood
Purimspiel: do it all over if we but could

My, my, we tried to make it work but it was crazy
But nej, and now it seems our only chance is ending this farcenow
We thank you for joining us here
And feel like we’ve won, if you cheer!

(Chorus)

We thank you for joining us here
And feel like we’ve won, if you cheer!

Purimspiel: hamentasch, groggers, folk bad and good
Purimspiel: so many people misunderstood
Purimspiel: do it all over if we but could

Purimspiel: do it all over if we but could
Purimspiel: do it all over if we but could