Archive

Song


Pickup Purimspiel
Bro(e)n II ½: The Saga Continues

Öresunds Limmud, Malmö, Sweden, 9 March 2014



Pickup Purimspiel 2
Bro(e)n III ¾: (The) Never-ending Saga

Öresunds Limmud, Malmö, Sweden, 6 March 2016
Glasgow Reform Synagogue, 11 March 2017


Purimspiel

by Scott C. Chase 9 March 2014

with apologies to Paul, John, and all Scots linguists

‘Twas twenty years ago today
that this laddie cam tae toun tae stay
He’s bin gaun back ‘n’ forth a while
but noo for ever oan this isle
So let us introduce tae you
the chap ye’v kent fur a’ thae years
Scotty bides in Glesca ever mair!

Glasgow, 12 July 2021

On the Eighth Day of Pesach I still had left to eat:

Eight ounces charoses
Seven tablespoons chrain (white)
Six pickled gherkins
Five free range eggs (2 hardboiled, 3 uncooked)
Four gefilte fish pieces
Three boxes matzo (1 Rakusens, 2 Yehuda)
Two matzo balls (in chicken soup)
And a box of mint chocolate thins!

This truly was the remains of my Pesach food—at the end of the holiday on Saturday evening.
Disclaimer: a few numbers may have been adjusted (but only slightly!) to fit the story 🙂

Glasgow, 7 April 2018

written for Pickup Purimspiel 2, “Bro(e)n III ¾: (The) Never-ending Saga”
Öresunds Limmud, Malmö, Sweden, 6 March 201
6

(to the tune of ‘Diggi-Loo Diggi-Ley’, Eurovision Sverige 1984)

Morten Kaj: hero, ascending career, oh
Suddenly I’m pushed aside, forgotten man
(You need a new career plan)

One day in the city (you’re sitting there thinking)
Lots of self-pity (you saw something blinking)
It gave me a groovy idea
Oh, what a fab solution

Alef bet gimel hey, I will make those Jews pay
In the most spectacular style
I’ll be dancing in the streets
flaunting my purposes vile

Alef bet gimel hey, they’ll be saying “oy vey”
and the chief I will surely beguile
coercing wicked deeds
with my dastardly smile

I have a vision for the excision
of that pestiferous tribe known as the Jews
(We feel his wickedness ooze)

What of the hitches (you’ll conquer them neatly)
And rumors this kitsch is? (refuting completely)
Oh, I can have all I fancy
In my fantastical world

Alef bet gimel hey, I will make those Jews pay
in the most spectacular style
I’ll be dancing in the streets
flaunting my purposes vile

Alef bet gimel hey, they’ll be saying “oy vey”
and the chief I will surely beguile
coercing wicked deeds
with my dastardly smile

Right now it’s just a dream, but need to put in motion
Fulfill my goals, using all of my devotion
Me, the most despicable
Oh…oh…
Oh…oh…

Alef bet gimel hey, they’ll be saying “oy vey”
and the chief I will surely beguile
coercing wicked deeds
with my dastardly smile

I’ll be dancing in the streets
flaunting my purposes vile

written for Pickup Purimspiel 2, “Bro(e)n III ¾: (The) Never-ending Saga”
Öresunds Limmud, Malmö, Sweden, 6 March 201
6

(to the tune of ‘Heroes’, Eurovision Sverige 2015)

Eco-terrorists are on the loose
We can’t undo what might be done
if they’re successful

One dispatched nefarious Gertrud
an ending shocking everyone
(don’t be forgetful)

I’ve got to find these cads
and stop their plot, so we will have tomorrow, son
and can be restful

They will poison our dish most preferred
Most fiendish caper ever heard:

Green chicken soup, oh what a crime
Not a dish that we would want at our mealtime

Green chicken soup, oh what a crime
O-o-o-o-oy, O-o-o bo-o-oy
Not a dish that we would want at our mealtime
They’ll not destro-o-oy, O-o-o-o-oy

Green chicken soup, oh what a crime
O-o-o-o-oy, Oh, what a plo-o-oy
Not a dish that we would want at our mealtime
We can’t en-jo-o-oy, O-o-o-o-oy

They’ll start with soup and escalate
Green bagels, lox, gefilte fish
Abominations

Green cholent (what would Sonja say?)
and emerald kreplach, kugel, knish
We don’t want mutations

Saint Paddy’s is still ten days off
No need to put your tukhes oyfn tish
Please, no fixations

They will poison our dish most preferred
Most fiendish caper ever heard
Now sing together:

Green chicken soup, oh what a crime
O-o-o-o-oy, this does ano-o-oy
Not a dish that we would want at our mealtime
O-o-o-o-oy, don’t quash our jo-o-oy

Green chicken soup
Yeech!

written for Pickup Purimspiel 2, “Bro(e)n III ¾: (The) Never-ending Saga”
Öresunds Limmud, Malmö, Sweden, 6 March 201
6

(to the tune of ‘Dansevise’, Eurovision Danmark 1963)

A gunshot through a window
A bloody shirt that’s been binned
Web of crime that is spinning is just the beginning
of this story’s whirlwind

A hanging from a treetop
A body washed up on the sand
A strangling at Kastrup, a stabbing in Taastrup
Crime here has gotten out of hand

You will need a new mate
Someone who’ll get the job done
I will admit that I can frustrate
but can outshoot anyone

And us two? What of us two?
Am I your new cup of tea?
I confess that I’m tactless, yet possess an exactness
So I’ll make a fabulous queen bee

I’m the one, I’m the one
You can bet that we’ll have lots of fun
I’m the one, I’m the one
I’m the one to be your liaison

Give it a chance
What’s there to lose?
Give it a chance
Let us dance, let us shmooze

And us two? What of us two?
Am I your new cup of tea?
I confess that I’m tactless, yet possess an exactness
So I’ll make a fabulous queen bee

I’m the one, I’m the one
Your liaison

Baked cheesecake with raspberries and blueberries

Photo by zingyyellow

To the tune of ’Cheesecake’ (Teo, 2014)
Must be sung and danced for maximal gratification


Yum, bubbeleh

Once you got a place to bake
You showed me cake
But I’m no Escoffier
You’re no Ju-li-a Child

So here’s my story
Starts in a blaze of glory
I hit a blissful state
When you made me my own cheesecake

But

I don’t wanna be your taster when you bake
I’m not gonna eat your strudel, big mistake
I look over all the recipes you could make
And all I want is your sweet cheesecake

I don’t wanna be your lab rat when you bake
I’m not gonna eat your babka, makes me ache
I look over all the sweets I could partake
And all I want is your sweet cheesecake

Oy vey
Doo doo doo doo doo doo
Ay-yay ay-yay

Hey, I will stay close at hand
Just don’t demand
It wasn’t ever this way planned
My belly to expand

You’ll just start grumbling
When your crust’s crumbling
You want only a ‘yes’ man
I’ll never just agree

I don’t wanna be your subject when you bake
I’m not gonna eat your rugelach, big mistake
I look over all the recipes you could make
And all I want is your sweet cheesecake

I don’t wanna be your guinea pig when you bake
I’m not gonna eat your mandelbrot, makes me ache
I look over all the sweets I could partake
And all I want is your sweet cheesecake

Oy vey
Doo doo doo doo doo doo
Ay-yay ay-yay

I don’t want to be your trifle
I don’t want to feel so stifled
Oy, oy

I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna be your trifle
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna feel so stifled, bubbe
Oy…

I don’t wanna
I’m not gonna eat your blintzes, big mistake
I look over all the recipes you could make
And all I want is your sweet cheesecake

I don’t wanna be your testee when you bake
I’m not gonna eat your kichel, makes me ache
I look over all the sweets I could partake
And all I want is your sweet cheesecake

I don’t wanna
(Cheesecake)
I’m not gonna be your trifle
I look over all the recipes you could make
And all I want is your sweet cheesecake

I don’t wanna be your victim when you bake
I’m not gonna eat your hamantasch, makes me ache
I look over all the sweets I could partake
And all I want is your sweet cheesecake

Mwah!

Aalborg, den 6. sivan 5774

written for Pickup Purimspiel, “Bro(e)n II ½: The Saga Continues”
Öresunds Limmud, Malmö, Sweden, 9 March 2014

(to the tune of ‘Waterloo’, Eurovision Sverige 1974)

My, my, in Shushan town did Haman at last surrender
But nej, in Öresund our destiny’s not quite a similar fate
Megillah that sits on the shelf
Not always repeating itself

(Chorus)
Purimspiel: truthhood and lies are together now
Purimspiel: wackiness, parody, we allow
Purimspiel: hamentasch, groggers, folk bad and good
Purimspiel: so many people misunderstood
Purimspiel: do it all over if we but could

My, my, we tried to make it work but it was crazy
But nej, and now it seems our only chance is ending this farcenow
We thank you for joining us here
And feel like we’ve won, if you cheer!

(Chorus)

We thank you for joining us here
And feel like we’ve won, if you cheer!

Purimspiel: hamentasch, groggers, folk bad and good
Purimspiel: so many people misunderstood
Purimspiel: do it all over if we but could

Purimspiel: do it all over if we but could
Purimspiel: do it all over if we but could

written for Pickup Purimspiel, “Bro(e)n II ½: The Saga Continues”
Öresunds Limmud, Malmö, Sweden, 9 March 2014

(to the tune of ‘Euphoria’, Eurovision Sverige 2012)

How, how has this situation come to pass?
Now, with everything I say I’m such an ass.
Oh no, I cannot do the things I want to do
And so, with every step I take I’m serving you.

(Chorus)
Truth warrior
You’ve trapped us in your rotten spell
From now on, no more fibs we’ll tell
We cannot stop-op-op-op-op-op-op
Truth warrior
We’ll never understand just why
Impossible to tell a lie
We cannot stop-op-op-op-op-op-op

We are here, we’re in a world where everything’s reversed
We’re not free: lies are forbidden, have we all been cursed?
Addicted, conflicted, restricted, we’re trapped in a weird mystery
No liar, we tire, it’s dire, the greatest crime in history.

(Chorus)

Conflicted, we’re trapped in a weird mystery
It’s dire, the greatest crime in history.

(Chorus)

written for Pickup Purimspiel, “Bro(e)n II ½: The Saga Continues”
Öresunds Limmud, Malmö, Sweden, 9 March 2014

(to the tune of ‘Fly on the wings of love’, Eurovision Danmark 2000)

(Saga-Esther)
Over Öresund, not too far from Lund
Is my greatest trial
So the heat is on, outcome’s not foregone
no more queen of denial.

He’s finally gotten rid of that old crone
I’ll be the greatest queen to share his throne.

I’m not a ditzy blonde
I’m distinct from the mob
I’ll reach for his golden wand
Touching its knob.

(Asbjörn)
If you make the grade, and I can be swayed
You’ll become my empress
And throughout the land, we’ll walk hand in hand
Just don’t be a temptress.

I’ve finally gotten rid of that old crone
Will this one be the choice to share my throne?

She’s not a ditzy blonde
Distinct from the mob
Reaching my golden wand
Touching its knob.

(The people)
Distinct from the mob

She’s not a ditzy blonde
Reaching his golden wand
Touching its knob.

Distinct from the mob
A ditzy blonde

%d bloggers like this: